The Truth About Why You Can’t Quit Scrolling
And Why Willpower Won't Solve This.
Hey there,
I wonder if you’ve done this before… I know I many people who have, including me.
Let’s say it’s Sunday night and you’ve just deleted Instagram or FaceBook. There’s that little sigh of relief, maybe even hope that says: “This time, I’ll finally break free from the scroll.”
But by Wednesday, your thumb is twitching. You’re not back on the same app, sure… but you’re scrolling YouTube, reorganizing your calendar, or reading endless “how to focus” hacks.
If this sounds familiar, please remember: you are not failing.
Let me explain why, and what will work.
Why Quitting Rarely Sticks
A recent survey of 3,000 adults found that nearly three out of four people (72%) who tried a “digital detox” couldn’t finish it. Over half gave up within two days. And most described the attempt as “difficult” or “extremely difficult”.
That’s not because people are weak. It’s because deleting apps doesn’t erase the craving. Your brain is wired for stimulation, novelty, and connection. When you cut one outlet, the need just finds another.
So the habit doesn’t disappear. It just shifts.
Why Willpower Drains So Fast
We often try to muscle through with pure willpower. Psychologists call it “white-knuckling.”
The problem is, willpower works like a battery. Every time you resist temptation, like you don’t check the news, don’t open that app, don’t click the video, the battery drains a little more. Once it runs low, your brain pushes back harder, especially when you’ve taken away something it thinks is rewarding.
That’s why those “just this once” moments happen.
It’s not weakness. It’s human.
What Your Brain Actually Needs
Here’s what decades of psychology research has shown: people thrive when three basic needs are met.
Autonomy: feeling like you have a real choice.
Competence: feeling capable of handling what life brings.
Connection: feeling close to others and valued by them.
When strict screen rules cut against those needs, like when you feel deprived instead of free, your brain resists, even if you’re the one who made the rule. That’s why strict detoxes so often backfire.
So What Works Better?
Gentle rhythms instead of rigid bans.
Think: “phones sleep in the kitchen at night” rather than “no screens ever after 8pm.”
Think: “I choose to read before bed because it helps me dream” instead of “no scrolling allowed.”
These small shifts give you autonomy. They protect your energy without making your brain feel punished.
Closing Thought
You deserve a calmer, more intentional life. But you don’t have to reduce your humanity to achieve that.
Longing for connection, looking for something interesting, relaxing, or a calming distraction are features of being human.
So maybe the real question isn’t “How do I use my phone less?”
Maybe it’s “How can I use it in a way that serves my life?”
Want to Go Deeper?
I turned this information into a YouTube video. In it, I dig into the science behind why strict detoxes rarely last and what to do instead if you want your tech habits to finally feel freeing instead of frustrating.
Thank you for reading this newsletter, let me know if you found something helpful in it.
Wishing you calm through the chaos,
~ Kay
PS. I had a wonderful conversation with Pamela Christian on her podcast this week about human value, artificial intelligence and how to protect our minds against tech control. Listen to the full discussion here.
